Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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