This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
