I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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