Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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