my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
