i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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