Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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