worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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