I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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