Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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