Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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