Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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