I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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