we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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