guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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