I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize