Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
