just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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