and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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