Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
please come you make the beer taste better
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
