at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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