Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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