I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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