He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
