That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
