Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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