so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize