I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
