I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
