Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
