SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
