I'm gonna have a badass scar
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize