the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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