I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
