And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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