my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
