I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
