Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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