During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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