mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
