Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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