Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I could fuck to npr.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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