His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
