You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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