You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
