I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
