Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
