Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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