That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
