I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's the barista slut.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
