is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize