btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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