Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I got chris browned last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
