im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn victory sex feels great
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize