I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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