i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
