Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
