my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
