Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
