I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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