She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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