I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
