What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
