Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
