this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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