Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
