wanna go halves on a baby?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize