Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
