just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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