this boner is exhausting
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
