You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
