Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize