I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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