every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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