i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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