$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
